6/22/2026

Danced naked with a bunch of trans people around a fire for the solstice. Beautiful.

I keep crying, I’m ready to just be.

6/16/2026

Listening to Esther’s* by Amon Tobin and getting a million things done.

*Fun fact: He put a bee in a lightbulb and shook it up and sampled it to make this song. This is also secondhand info so a possibility that I’m making this up.

Also I did donut last Thursday, I’ll lyk what it was later.

6/8/2026

Sometimes my job feels like a job, and sometimes it feels like I’m doing someone a favor. I already offer to clean peoples spaces/homes outside of work bc I love doing it. So it’s fun to get paid also, but I also don’t know these people and their wants entirely.

Rn I’m cleaning a friends parents house (thru work), and idk how to feel about it. On one hand, it’s somewhat more rewarding? But on the other hand it’s also somewhat nerve wracking bc they’re paying me. Like I feel as though they don’t want to criticize my work, or I more so worry about loosing that friendship through this somehow (I’m not even entirely sure how that would happen.)

Dream where I found a blog site through youtube of a woman who reviews various puppy-play outfits, and me wanting to introduce her to flounder, but unsure of how that would play out*, and stressing out about that for a significant part of my dream-time.

*as in I’m worried she would be harassed, but that’s also not flounders vibe, but it’s also unpredictable internet, so who’s to really say, but also how do you explain this to a person over the internet without coming across as condescending?

5/30/2026

WHEN ! Will they play Pogo by digitalism at the club. Need this. Will become a dj solely for this.

Also anyone trying to go to the club tonight?

5/25/2026

Was my sisters 20th bday yesterday, it feels very strange to no longer be children or children adjacent.

I have so so so many thoughts, the idea of journaling on paper sounds great tho.

I was gonna plan a huge picnic today that everyone I know would be invited to, but I forgot to do that.

I kinda like the idea of being alone, but I'm unsure.

I have been feeling like being around people isn't my tea anymore. (I might just be depressed rn, I forgot to take my antidepressants yesterday oops.) I know so many humans, and I make friends so easy, but I've been feeling generally dissatisfied with most interactions lately. This is no ones fault! It's not like anyone is or isn't doing anything in particular, I've just ran out of the want to do it. ("do it" being socializing.) I enjoy the idea of having 10 close friends, and then acquaintances. But I cannot hangout with people like how I used to, and have a full time job. My only free time is on the weekends, and if I spend that with others, that leaves no time for me or mentally recuperating from work week. I think there are people I'm close to who give me energy, and that is just bc I've known them for awhile, and we dont have to go through the phase of coming to a mutual comfort around each other. I think that is why making friends as an adult is so hard, because there is no time to do adult task and make these established comfortable connections. Its not really that deep, I'm just sad rn I think.

Pinball is a good middle ground, folks stopped showing out to pinball for various reasons, so I haven't really been there. I think that's also what is missing.

4/16/2026

Sobbing crying to mitski on my drive to work this morning.

4/14/2026

I have been having rough and bad work days. I feel like I have had period symptoms without my actual period for weeks.

Bouncing between calm, on edge, really fucking emotional, and horny, and it makes me feel crazy. I feel like I’m doomed to not be normal on birth control. Does anyone feel normal on birth control?

I go to Portland next week, that will be silly.

4/11/2026

Life cool rn. Life has funny little complexities !

Sex is normal ! And I’ve had recent conversations where I’m talking about sex very openly with people I’m not as close with. I think things like Christianity/religion make sex seem like something that should be secretive, or is a bad thing in general. I believe this way of thinking causes sexual violence and shame. What other way to combat that other than to treat it as normal?

If I’m talking to someone about my dating life, sex is apart of that. Obvi checking in with the people I’m talking to about sex and their comfortability is apart of it too.

Also hearing A LOT of people around me expressing how they dont know how to approach people with the intention of flirting/dating/fucking/etc. I think openness around conversation about sex also would help with this, it wouldn’t have as huge of a weight as well. Idk I could go on and on, blah blah blah

4/6/2026

Someone asked how I was doing last night at pinball, and I proceeded to talk at them for over an hour. It's made me realize I haven't gotten to talk about myself/my feelings in any significant way in awhile. I haven't been to talk therapy for quite some time, and I miss getting to process everything with someone each week. I am somewhat more calm and passive without it though. I'm unsure if this is just due to me growing as a person/gaining stability, or if talk therapy was consistently making me aware of all of my issues. Something about ignorance, something about bliss.

I want conversation around sex to be more normal.

Hodacks has my full name on file, and they're calling it out via megaphone. Fuck, I love fried chicken.

Making another google form for the camping trip, I'll be done with it soon.

4/5/2026

New Journal bc I accidentally deleted insect47.gmi, and while it is now reinstalled (thanks Alex), I would like to start a new one.

I am back on all my meds finally, I was off of my antidepressants for 2 weeks bc I couldn’t get it refilled in time. Just feeling so much more normal, crazy how that works lol.

My girlfriend has moved into my neighborhood, and it’s been so swell.

I’m tired today, happy Easter tho !