12/17/2025

Was gonna post this in diary, but it's too long.

Not trying to jump the gun, or self diagnose, but after looking into the requirements for a dyslexia diagnosis, I am fairly certain I have dyslexia.

That feels crazy. And maybe I’m not sure? This just feels crazy to figure out now and not earlier on. But this would explain quite a lot.

I do not read for fun at all. The last time I read a book for fun was sophomore year of high school. I have come up with ways to pretend to that I've read something. I'd say during school I was pretending to read 75% of the time. Most of the time I would look at the first and last sentence, and anything highlighted, and then guess the general theme from there.

And spelling has never been a strong suit, along with grammar. I only can do this because of auto correct. I spelled sophomore "sohmore" "sophmore" before auto correct caught what i was saying. Spelled correct as "corect". I'm just gonna put the words I wrote next to the correct ones to prove a point. The spelling has become more apparent (aparnt) as an issue now that i've moved in with Ami. We write all of our groceries on a white bored (borad), and folks will comment a lot on my spelling. It's always in jest, and I don't take offense, but it is embarrassing (embarrasing). I spelled sauce as sause, and. Lol, auto correct doesn't know what I'm trying to say here. Attempts: leatuss letuss leatus lettus. I'm talking about the leafy green in salad.

Others include:

-carabanara

-cerel

-(carrot, this was me checking if i spelled carrot right, yay!)

-mandilin

-repelant

-hormore

-ceasar salad

-extention

-avacado

-buffloo

-deoderant

-gronola

-protien

-striner

-inital

-parmasian

I tested 20 other words for spelling accuracy, and passed lol. You get the point. Once it crosses into 7 or more letters, I am most likely guessing. I know the sound of individual letters, but sounds of letters together are very hard to guess. I dumb down my speech quite a bit when auto correct isn't available (avalible). There I would've said "don't have access to" to avoid spelling available.

I don't know my left from right, I have to hold up my left hand to make an "L" shape with my index finger and thumb to know that that was my left side. Even when I learned this trick though, I would get it wrong and use my right hand. I remember asking "How do I know which L is correct?" Even though My Own Name started with L.

The other night, my girlfriend was searching for a paper in my desk, and I told him it was on the right side. He was searching, and I kept saying "No, the right side. The right side, the right side!" Till he went "This is the right side!" and I realized I meant left the whole time. This happens 50% of the time, as I am normally guessing.

And every test I turned in, I would be the last to give it to the teacher. It would take me so many tries to read a sentence under pressure. Like 18-20 tries to read a 3 sentence paragraph.

The only thing is that I do read aloud quite a bit, as I do write and perform poetry. I credit this to my dad, who would make me read aloud business articles every morning to him before school from 6th-12th grade. While I definitely did struggle, it helped a lot over time.

And maybe this is normal? It has to be to some extent if I've made it this long without figuring this out. I've always summed this up as adhd's fault. It's always made me feel incredibly shameful and stupid. I want to read for fun, it sounds so rad to hear people talk about reading for pleasure. But I can never get myself to do it without extreme fatigue.

I don't know, I'll bring this up next appointment with my psychiatrist.